i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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