I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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