Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
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