Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
