I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My feet surprised me
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
