Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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