Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Randomize
