Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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