so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
