Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
party gras won. party gras always wins.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
