shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
