Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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