I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
