Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
