while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
