Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize