dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
