TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
