He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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