ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
