She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
