Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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