Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
