Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
