Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
