btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
