I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
