You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
