I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
