i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i came on her dog
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
