Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
