this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
