Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
