Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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