Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
