Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
