I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She bit a glass in half.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
