I wish you could order shots online.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
