thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
