Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
