All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
