She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
