ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
