he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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