he puts the penis in happiness.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
