I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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