so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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