toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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