so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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