sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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