It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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