My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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